Reading Cosmo, you get all sorts of lessons in game-playing to keep relationships spicy, new-feeling, to “make it last.” But I’m convinced that logic just causes confusion, leads to unnecessary drama and, frankly, should be an indicator that maybe couples have some growing up to do.

Not playing games is easier said than done. Because you feel vulnerable putting yourself out there and openly admitting, “Hey, I was jealous last night when you were chatting up that bar hottie” or “I had a dream you cheated on me last night and it freaked me out – can you just show me some extra love today?”

This weekend, after not seeing D since Wednesday night, I was working my way up to That Insecure Girlfriend quickly. Time apart? Healthy. But throw in our two bad track records dealing with the bar scene and significant others, and it’s a match leading straight to Needing Assurance. Before we (separately) went downtown [City A] this weekend, we talked by phone.

D’s perspective on the evening ahead: Guys have this thing about seeing their girlfriends out at the bar, when plans were to have a boys’ night. You know, they’re out downing cocktails with their friends when There! Over There! It’s The Girlfriend! What now? Are they obligated to ditch their pals and flock to her? Go home with her at bar close? They’re torn, you see, not wanting to hurt The Girlfriend’s feelings (or incite drama and hissy fits they’ve experience in the past), and not wanting to be a bad friend who bails the minute his girl shows up.

MIG’s perspective: I understand his P.O.V. Still, I’m fielding inquiries as to my motivations for going out. Am I doing it just because he is? No, I just don’t prefer to sit home alone on a Saturday night, if we’re being honest. My worries stem from my past, too: seeing boyfriends out and being ignored while they flirted with countless female “friends,” whom I was never introduced to. The whole “appearing available” when Hi, I’m Right Here. Truth? I’m terrified D will end up being That Guy, though I know it’s not fair to just assume he will be.

What happened: D texts me a couple times and calls before I get a chance to respond, wondering where I am. I’m surprised. Around midnight, I’m at a bar downtown and shoot him a consolatory text: “If don’t c u, have fun! I’m at [this bar].”

Not even five minutes later I see him walking through crowds back toward me. He shakes my friend’s hand and, catching me completely off-guard, embraces me tightly. For the next five minutes, he has me close, alternately cupping his hands around my face to planting kisses on my lips, and whispering in my ear Absolutely Everything I Needed To Hear But Didn’t Realize It. I cannot stop smiling.

The reassurance? We all need it from time to time, whether we’ve had 10 years together or we’re just two months in, feeling each other out and figuring out what works best, how to balance two individual lives now coming together. It’s work. But at times like these, you know the work is getting you somewhere amazing. Already.